What do you think about self-soothing?

I've heard and experienced that babies an kids who are not immediately picked up everytime they fall down and who are made to self-sooth to go to sleep are better off in the long run. Also, I've seen cases of parents who are very protective and smothering and their kids have separation issues and other emotional issues. On the other hand, ive had ppl call me insensitive and cruel to even think of not picking up the child every time they cry or forcing an older kid to either eat what is prepared or go hungry for that meal. I know it's normal to feel protective and want to make everything in the child's life perfect, but what do you think. Should kids learn to help themselves, or always be helped, or is there a happy medium?