I feel like im losing my mind sometimes i am going crazy?

im a single parent of 3 children ive been married 3 times last husband was killed in iraq in 2006.my 17 and 19 year daughters tell me im crazy and want have anything to do with me both my daughters have been rebellious teenagers my 17 year year old just got out of rehab for drugs.i have drinked most of my life since i was 17 my siblings dont have anything to do with me and say im crazy to when i would get drunk i would beat my 19 year when she was 16 because i would get so anger for her sneaking out or treating me like crap i have no excuse for what ive done but am i crazy im notn perfect ive given my kids everything and put my self last my parents use to beat me and my siblings is this my learned behavior im currently in college full time and lvn nurse i cant get a job now because i went to jail for hitting my daughter when she popped off to me and i was drunk yes ive stopped drinking and getting help but now my daughter want even let me see my grandadughter that im nothing but a piece of crap thats what they tell me i feel like im losing it its been hard raiseing 3 kids with no help but im the bad guy now im not perfect and i admit that i handled things wron g but they want forgive me i told them maybe its for the best there not in my life so that i can heal myself im losing my mind helppp