Did you like Osama Bin Laden?

He’s so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Osama Bin Laden. We were best friends in like, 10 years ago.. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then 10 years ago, I started going out with my first boyfriend who was totally gorgeous but then he moved. But Osama was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with my boyfriend, he’d be like, “Why didn’t you call me back?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, “Osama, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re a bomber.” I mean I couldn’t have a bomber at my party, what if he blew it up? There were gonna be alot of people there. I mean, right? He was a bomber. So then his mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then he dropped out of school because no one would talk to him, and supposedly lived in a cave or whatever but came back in the fall, all of his hair was all over and he was totally weird, and now I guess he’s dead. but whatever, everyone’s happy now.